On Andy’s stag night, Willie Macleod claimed that Joe Stalin was supposed to possess just four English phrases:
‘You said it;’
‘What the hell goes on here?’ and,
‘The toilet is over there.’
In retrospect, it was clearly unwise for Willie to make a bet that he could conduct himself through the whole of Fiona and Andy’s wedding solely by utterance of Stalin’s four phrases. True, he managed to deliver the first three successfully. But, at the reception, he really should have admitted defeat when Fiona’s mum asked him how he liked the smoked eel canapés.